Chill Pillz

I've calmed down a lot since last night. After my post I actually completely lost it. You know, scream crying as I'm throwing his stuff out of the room and screaming that I wanted him out of my life. You know, the bat-shit crazy crap you see in the movies?

I just miss the way my life used to be. I miss having my room to myself. I miss having my apartment to myself. I even miss having my parents to myself. I'm an only child, and for the last four months my life has been infiltrated by an outside force that is slowly taking over every aspect of my life. I'm having a really difficult time dealing with it. I've been attacking him so much recently because I'm just been so miserable. It's really not his fault, but I blame him anyway. There's no where for him to go...I feel very boxed in I guess.

It's really difficult, trying to grow up fast and all that. I'm 19. I feel really old and really young at the same time. I'm trying to hard to grow up that I'm forgetting how to interact with people my own age anymore. No smoking, no drinking, no drugs because that's irresponsible. Go to bed early, work 40 hour weeks, live with your boyfriend, because that's the responsible, grown up thing to do. I feel like I'm 30, and married. It's...not conducive to good mental health.


Anyway, on to better things! I've lost a pound today so far! I was 175.4 this morning, and I'm 174.4 right now, so I'm in a better mood. At least something is going right today.

Actually, a lot of things were pretty good today. No one threw anything at me at work, my hair wasn't a complete disaster, and everyone was relatively polite.

PLUS, I got to work with my shift supervisor today. I almost wish he wasn't so ridiculously adorable. Almost. Whenever he smiles at me, I can physically FEEL my heart skipping a beat. I really wish I could get the opportunity to get to know him better. He's 27, a blonde, with huge blue eyes and a baby face. He's just such a genuinely NICE guy...like, almost to the point of naivety. But he's really cool too! It's just...JEEZ I've got a really bad crush. Conversation from earlier (I'll refer to him as Apollo for privacy purposes):

Apollo: So, we've got about 15 minutes until it's time to leave (We got out at the same time)
Me: Yep, counting down the seconds. 
Apollo: So, any plans?
Me: Wandering aimlessly?
Apollo: My thoughts exactly! *laughs*
Me: *laughs*   *wanders off*
~~~15 minutes later~~~
Apollo: Hard at work? *smirk*
Me: As much as you've been.
Apollo: *laughs*
Me: So, have you talked to *boss* yet?
Apollo: *sigh* Not yet. End of this week.
Me: Yep. Of course. This time for sure, I bet.  *laugh* (He's said he's going to quit for a while)
Apollo: *sigh* I'm going to be here forever.
Me: Aww, that's sad...but at least you'll be in good company. :)
Apollo: Yeah. Well, take care. :)
Me: You too. *heart beat = twice normal rhythm*

I keep having these ridiculously graphic sex dreams about him. In the office, on the counter-tops, in the back-room, the break room. EVERYWHERE. Damn my virgin status!

And the award for the Kinkiest, Horniest Virgin goooooes to: Kade!